Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
