I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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