U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
