this will be a night to untag.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also, beer. Big fan.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
