can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
