Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
