Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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