well I can't set my house on fire every night
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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