Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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