I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
