I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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