girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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