He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
