My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
