I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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