Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
