i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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