Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
