Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
