Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
