oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
