the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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