I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
