Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is it because I queefed?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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