i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
