why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
