You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
