i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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