based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
