Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
