My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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