does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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