Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I supernannyed him into submission
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
