How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
