I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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