y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
