Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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