Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
