i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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