WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
