It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it's like iHOP with fire
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
