Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
