So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
