it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
