Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
