Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
