Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize