shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
