"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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