That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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