Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
