ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Your cock deserves a montage
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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