i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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