Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
