I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
