i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
