i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize