so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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