She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize