Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
