Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
