yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
