Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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