We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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