bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dick very happy bro
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
