Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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