I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
someone owes me an orgasm
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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