totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
