Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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