You really coming over, don't trick.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
