I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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