Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
