Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
