I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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