Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
