the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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