True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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