Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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