You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
